Am I lonely?

I don't know...

The day passes by in a blur,

Full of fun, frolic and laughter.

I am with friends all day.

We talk, we tease, we laugh,

We study and we don't,

We plan outings and even go for them -

I'm having fun...

But this question still bothers me;

I'm not happy.

Tears keep welling up and knocking at my eyelids,

Trying to break free.

I hold them back.

But tears are powerful.

They break through the dam, and flow out,

The fake smile and the apparent joy on my face

Lost in the deluge.

And then I realize,

Fun is no substitute for joy.

The screen of tears shuts out the world,

And I see myself:

My heart aching for true, pure, unconditional love,

Longing for a friend to place my faith in,

A soul with whom I can feel a connect,

A mind that understands me,

And a big, warm heart,

Ready to take me in with all my flaws.

I don't find it.

What I do find is an answer:

Yes, I am lonely.